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Review #4038887
Viewing a review of:
 The Last Goodbye  [E]
Read Me, Critique me
by Brooke
Review of The Last Goodbye  
Review by Charlie ~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



Hello, Brooke . My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to WDC today with a quick review. My inbox is open if you need any help navigating the site. Keep in mind that the following is just the opinion of one reader. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it! If not, feel free to disregard it completely. *Peace2*



*Mushroomo* First Impressions *Mushroomo*

Great title and use of imagery. The poem adequately displays a large range of emotions and held my attention from the first line.


*Mushroomg* Subject Matter *Mushroomg*

It's about lovers being apart and the pain that goes along with having to hold onto that last goodbye. I don't know fully what experience came along with writing this poem, but I feel like it could be applied to many different relationships in different situations. I'm sure couples who have one in the military feel this way when they are deployed, but at the same time, even college kids who are having to leave each other behind for months at a time for school would feel this way as well.


*Mushroomb* Things That Worked *Mushroomb*

I liked the imagery that you used when describing this person coloring your world the shades of a sunny day. It starts with such a light, happy mood. Of course, every good poem needs a conflict, so I also enjoy the shift in that mood when it gets a bit more sad later on.

I think the emotions described are ones that many people can relate to easily. You don't want to leave this person in a negative or sad state. You don't want to have your heart on your sleeve. You want to protect yourself from this feeling. The last kiss keeps you high but only lasts a short period of time before the reality of the situation settles in. I think you did a great job of describing that feeling.


*Mushroomv* Suggestions *Mushroomv*

The biggest issue I had with the poem is that the flow and rhythm is quite random. It starts with an AA rhyming pattern, but then switches to ABA in the middle and at the end. This throws off the flow a bit because we're reading it the way it was initially presented in the first two lines.

Once we get past that, there are some lines that consist of way more syllables than others. The sixth line has fourteen syllables while the one it rhymes with has half of that with only seven syllables.

I think this could use some editing just to straighten out the flow which will help the reader focus more on the emotional impact.


*Mushroomp* Final Thoughts *Mushroomp*

I enjoyed reading your poem. I think you did a good job of explaining the situation and using poetic language. I do think there is room for improvement with the overall flow. Thanks again for sharing with us!




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