Hello bwhiteba,

I found your draft "my book, a work in progress"  on the "review a newbie" link and thought it was a good read.

I don't pretend to be an English major or an expert in grammar. You don't have to agree with anything I am saying, I'm simply offering my humble opinion concerning your work. I hope you find this feedback useful

Overall Impression:
I thought your draft was well written from a "content" point of view. I liked the descriptive language you used to describe their first encounter. I liked the way you described the battle going on between the emotions she was experiencing, and how she gained control of them as her defense took over. I was drawn into her story just in the little taste of the draft I read. I think you have something good started here and would enjoy reading more as her story unfolds.

Grammar and Mechanics:
Your draft on the other hand had many issues with grammar. I am going to guess that is because it's currently a draft and not a polished piece. Mainly it was capitalization of sentences and punctuation issues that would need to be corrected.

Suggestions:
The only suggestion I have is to keep putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) You are very talented and I look forward to reading/reviewing more of your work.

I also see you are new to WDC and want to welcome you

Thank you for sharing your story.

I welcome you to visit my portfolio and offer a review on any piece that may interest you

Rozebud



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .