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Review #4039729
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Welcome Weekend  [GC]
Two people set off fire works on the campus green.
by Vixey Todd
Review of Welcome Weekend  
Review by Bikerider
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: GC | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


I saw this story entered in the Weekly Quickie Contest and took a look. I'm glad I did. I hope you find my comments helpful.

Setting: I liked the setting. A secluded spot among bushes on a college campus. This words especially well since most college students wouldn't be put off if they noticed people having sex in a secluded spot. Maybe they would if they knew the participants were professors, but that's not how this story goes.
The fireworks add a lot to this story. Fireworks, even if used as a metaphor, seems to work well with the sexual act. The fireworks display added depth to your story because they weren't a metaphor, they were actually happening.

Characters: I like your two professors. They eat hamburgers and chips; they drink soda; (you didn't say Diet Coke so I'll assume they drank the whole kind), and they have sex in semi-public settings. I don't think I ever had professors quite like your characters. Your professors are much more fun than any I had.
You didn't give your characters names until the very end of the story. I know you did that because you wanted the surprise ending, and it worked. But the scene is so well done I didn't feel cheated at all that I didn't know the names of the characters as I read about their actions. Well done.

The sex act: You did very good work here. I get tired of those who write erotica and because they don't have a good idea they use as many base words as they can, even if it isn't appropriate. Having written my fair share of erotica, and winning the Weekly Quickie contest many times, I'm no prude. But I think in erotica, more so than most genres, some words can be used to excess and only for their shock value. I'm betting you've read your share of that as well.
But your story, and the description of the character's sex act is very well done, graphic enough so that I could plainly see what was happening, and you did something many erotica writers don't do...you actually showed the emotions and feelings of the participants. Big cudos for you in this regard.

Conclusion: I really like this story. It is well written, descriptive, and appropriately worded. I saw no problems with spelling, punctuation, or grammar. And because I like your characters I can see where you might want to write more about their exploits as the school year progresses.

Great job with this scene, J.L. Henry, Brava!

Bikerider


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