Review number # 4 of week September 18-24, 2014

Hi Maya

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

Please remember I am a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Roses are Dead, Violets Are Crying

First Impression: This is clearly a rough draft that needs some time spent on fixing the grammar, punctuation and capitalization.

What I liked: The story has the potential to be a great story.

What needs your attention: "shatters glass lay un cleaned in the kitchen." Shattered glass strewn on the floor, sounds better. It really needs stronger sentences and less run on sentences. The grammar, punctuation and capitalization need to be taken sentence by sentence.

Favorite Parts: This particular paragraph creates very powerful images for the reader." It pained him to watch her shrink away from him. It was awful. He wanted to disappear. He wanted to run towards her, grab her in a hug and just cry. But he couldn't. Guys didnt cry. He had to be strong and careless. Foster ran his fingers over his hair to smooth it back then turned, hands in pockets and started home. Sandy started whimpering behind him like a wounded dog." Didn't needs an apostrophe. There are to many he's in this short paragraph. You can strengthen your paragraph by thinking about what exactly you want to say and use powerful images to get there.

Overall Impression: I realize that you are a newbie, and it is challenging to put your work out in the public. It is really important to read your work out loud to yourself or have a friend do it so you can hear how your writing sounds. I wish you luck with your writing.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure!
Lyn




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .