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Review #4044518
Viewing a review of:
 you have ruined me  [E]
someone bringing me down as always and i feel as if i can never pick myself back up again.
by faith
Review by Charlie ~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Hello, faith . My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to the site with a review today. If you have any questions or need help navigating the site, feel free to email me. Keep in mind that the following is just one reader's opinion. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it. If you don't, feel free to disregard this review completely. *Peace2*

*Jackolantern* Title, Hook, and Formatting: I think the title is good for this poem, I would only suggest capitalizing it. The description for your poem is interesting and I think people can relate to having someone who disappoints them time and time again, despite what they do to make things okay between them and that person.

*Jackolantern* Best Bits: You have some good imagery in this piece. My favorite lines are:

My dignity feel around my
ankles in a shameful pool...

I think you did a great job of showing that feeling of helplessness at being debased by this person. I also like the realization that things can't ever be better. They aren't going to be the same, so you have to pick up the pieces and move on.

*Jackolantern* Possible Suggestions: Is the first lines supposed to be, "I have ruined me" or is it meant to be "You have ruined me"? It sounds a bit strange to start off the poem the way it is currently.

I thought some of the language used could be reworked. It hit a peak in the middle, but didn't hold that same level of writing throughout. I thought the lines, I will never get back, no matter how hard I try to find it and get it back didn't work well. The repetition of "get back" didn't read smoothly.

*Jackolantern* Summary: I liked the emotion and some of the imagery in your poem. I do think there could be an edit to rework some of the language that reads a bit bland. Thanks again for sharing with us!

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