Hello there, Carole Rae!
This is a Simply Positive Review.


That's about right; emotions cannot be helped when you are personally going through them. If you try not to feel a certain way, it just plagues you longer than having the emotions, getting past them and moving on. I know, easier said than done.

You do express definite emotions in this poem, I just think a little rearranging of the lines here and there may help the rhythm a little better. (see below)


Observation:

Take for example your first verse. It has some lengthy syllables in a couple lines and ends in two lines of three syllables. Thus, it's like someone slammed on the breaks. The reader is kind of wondering if they read the lines in the right way and goes back to see if the rhythm works better -- but it doesn't.

So, I did a little switch and took two lines from the first verse and two lines from the second verse and merged them together for a more fluid flow. It's just an example, but you had all the words -- just not in the best place.



Burning like fire
Veins clustered with ice.
Nerves held on by a wire.
Love is an odd device.

You'll have to work on fitting the rest of it together in another verse or combine both verses in a form that is in a smoother order, such as splitting lines and using punctuation and blending in shorter and longer lines so they flow when transitioning from one to the other.


That's the suggestion I think would work to utilize your own lines, but order them in a different way. Just my humble opinion, though.

Until next time, write on!

Regards,
WebWitch







My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .