Hi Kotaro,
This is a fantastic story. The tone is formal and fits the story very well. The reader is taken by a very unusual story that takes an ordinary commute and makes it extraordinary. The plot is straight forward and moves along logically. The conflict is well defined. There is no doubt as to what is going on here. The characterization is full and vivid. The characters come across as real people. The dialogue is well done and realistic. The characters speak liker real people. The description is vivid and puts the reader all the way into the story. The story is well structured and consistent in terms of point of view and tense. Great job.