*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4050493
Review #4050493
Viewing a review of: {citem:}
Review of  
Review by A Non-Existent User
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi anthrojourn,

I really liked this story very much. At first I thought that the clock in his house was haunted. When he started thinking that there was someone in his house, I didn't know where he got that idea from, so I thought he was paranoid. In the end, I discovered the truth. Wow! It links with his previous thought of having his last meal.

I suggest that you write a bit more about what made him think there was someone in his house. The last two paragraphs are in present tense. I feel like just the last one should be in present tense since he is narrating from his ghost state, when the accident had already passed.

The flow was really good and well formed character. You could extend the story if you want, adding in details about his past experiences that would form his personality better. Keep writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 10/20/2014 @ 2:20pm EDT
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4050493