Hello there, Newbie! Welcome to WDC
This is a Simply Positive Review.

I found that you were really interested in the subject matter you were talking about as far as having more electives offered in the school system.

You try to talk about your likes and dislikes and why you feel that way. I just think you tried to do that almost all within one breath. The reader is made to feel she is being pulled along a bumpy road, trying to figure out where she came from.

Observations:

"My opinion on school is that there are not a lot of electives. But gaming is fun so is robotics but still not a ton of of electives and in 6th grade there are practically none, and you have to take them[.] and then[I] if you don't like it[,] you have to do some other ones and [but there's ]not a lot of them."

"The there electives[.] I've been in are band and [but] I'm not in there any more because I had to take my instrument to the car [,]which mint [meant]going up a hill[.] [B]but before leaving[,] I have[had] to go through a crowd and [of] people[,] just in the way for no reason[,] and before I started my day[,] I had to go to the band hall aging [along with] the random people[.] [O]oh[,] and my lock brook[broke -- ] so ya[yeah]."

"And my PE locker had a dent and the coaches wear like I don't know why!" [Also, my PE locker had a dent in it and the coaches didn't know why.]

" And the elevator why a door if you had a wheel char[chair] and it's a filled trip day and your friends had it how would you get out?" I just don't know what you were really trying to say, here.


I did not point out all of the grammar errors and run-on sentences within this piece, because I would have had to copy paste nearly the entire article.

I suggest a little sentence reworking. Make them simpler and keep one idea going at a time.

It would also be a great idea to separate paragraphs by a double space click. It will make reading the WDC format easier.

You sound like you have much enthusiasm about school subjects and the wish to have more electives. Perhaps an outline of your thoughts would be the best way to proceed, keeping your train or thought flowing smoothly so the reader can follow and really have a clear picture of what you are trying to describe.

I think it's great that you have an interest in writing, and we all have to begin somewhere. Thus, I hope this helps out a little to point you in the right direction for any school papers you may have to do in the future.

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .