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Review #4050969
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Rated: | (3.5)
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Hello, there, Newbie! Welcome to WDC. *Globe*
This is a Simply Positive Review.

*Umbrella* I found this story to be quite intriguing. I got from it that there were spirits roaming various parts of the hospital where they died. They seemed to navigate or remain in areas they felt most comfortable. When this soul was asked to leave her usual "hangout" she felt a bit awkward, because she always remained in the waiting room.

I think it's very symbolic of a waiting to born -- except something tragic happened to prevent that, the death of her parents in a fire while her mother was pregnant with her. *Moon*

Observations:

"Julie approached the older woman. "Are you new?" Julie asked." The tag seems a bit off in this line.

TRY: Julie approached the older woman and asked, "Are you new?"That takes care of the awkward, Julie asked, after already mentioning Julie at the start of the sentence, *Wink*

*Bulletv*This story appears to be in a draft stage. It does need more character development and clarity surrounding the people involved and the hospital and why they are "trapped" there as spirits. What is their purpose? These are questions the reader will ask. *Ghost*

I think you've got a good start, and with some more filling-in, this will be fine tale, especially around this time of year, when the WDC spirits appear around the ports of so many members. *Witch*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch



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