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Review #4051139
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Review by Charlie ~
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Rated: | (3.5)
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Hello, timtuin. My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to the site with a review today. If you have any questions or need help navigating the site, feel free to email me. Keep in mind that the following is just one reader's opinion. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it. If you don't, feel free to disregard this review completely. *Peace2*

*Jackolantern* Title, Hook, and Formatting: I have crazy mixed feelings about this poem and I'll explain why in this review. To start, I chose to read this poem because I liked the title. I think you could make the description a bit more specific to draw people in more, but the title was good enough to catch my attention.

*Jackolantern* Best Bits: I almost feel like I have to work the poem backward because I love love the ending. The language could be cleaned up a little bit, but the last four lines are awesome.

Thought the party just got started,
it's time for you to go.
And if you feel heavy hearted,
it's for the oats you never sewed.

Regarding the language clean up, I feel like it might flow better if the third line was something like, "And if you feel a heavy heart", but it works the way it is now as well. Anyway, I felt like the last four lines were far superior to the other lines in the poem. It seemed like you really hit a flow there and held it through to the end. It also had the most emotion in it.

*Jackolantern* Possible Suggestions: The rhyming pattern change up is super noticeable, honestly. It's starts with an AABB rhyming pattern, but then switches to ABCB then ABAC. It's all over the place as far as rhymes go and it makes it quite bumpy to read through. The transitions between the rhyming patterns don't feel smooth because the reader is used to one pattern, then it suddenly switches to another. The lines themselves are decent, but nowhere compared to the last four in the poem, in my opinion.

*Jackolantern* Summary: I enjoyed reading your poem quite a bit. The last half of the poem was much better to me than the first half. I think you may need to rework some of the rhymes to give a smoother flow. Thanks again for sharing with us!

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