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Review #4051156
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Review by Charlie ~
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Rated: | (4.0)
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Hello, untamedwriter. My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to the site with a review today. If you have any questions or need help navigating the site, feel free to email me. Keep in mind that the following is just one reader's opinion. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it. If you don't, feel free to disregard this review completely. *Peace2*

*Jackolantern* Title, Hook, and Formatting: I like the title and description because the reader isn't sure exactly what the relationship between the people are, but we know we're going to get an emotional story about someone's last dance. It made me want to read and find out why this was the last dance and who they were.

*Jackolantern* Best Bits: What's cool about a story like this is that so many people can relate to it on different levels. Many readers will be fathers who have had to give their daughter away at a wedding. Others will be former brides who shared this emotional moment with their father. It's a bittersweet moment for all involved and I think you captured that well. I liked how you described the daughter's fragrant hair and the memories the father had coming back to him as he danced with her. You did a good job of leaving a bit of mystery until the end. We didn't know who was dancing or why it was their last dance until the last sentence, which was interesting.

*Jackolantern* Possible Suggestions: The grammar is okay for the most part, though I did notice some verb tense disagreements. Memories flood his mind is present tense, whereas the line before is past tense with, he expressed the depths of his love.

This is a very short story and I'm sure some readers will want to know more about the characters and what their relationships are like. There could be many reasons for cutting it so short, but I would suggest mentioning if it's for a 100-word or less contest or something like that. I don't mind the length, but it will satisfy the mind of readers who would like a bit more detail on the characters or story line.

*Jackolantern* Summary: I thought it was a good, quick, and emotional piece. It was interesting to try to figure out who the people were in the beginning and the end transitioned well. Thanks again for sharing with us!

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