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Review #4051718
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by A Guest Visitor
Review by Charlie ~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: GC | (4.5)
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Hello, 🌑 Darleen - QoD . My name is Charlie and I'm happy to be reviewing your story today. Please keep in mind that the following is just the opinion of one reader. I am not a professional and you know your work better than anyone else. If you find something helpful here, use it. If you don't, feel free to disregard this completely. *Cool*

*Jackolantern* General Impressions: Hey, Darleen! It's Charlie here with your last review for your winning bid in the recent "Genre Auction and Fundraiser" . I've truly appreciated my time reading your horror stories and I hope you write many more of them. When I read the first story, "Invalid Item" , I told you that you had an interesting style. I'm happy to say that I've seen that style continue through all of your horror pieces. You really have a voice of your own in this genre.

"The Other Side of Her" was a really fun read. I knew by the description that it would be. Is she cheating? Well, I don't know, but I surely want to find out. After reading, even I am afraid of Connie. Please don't ever let her come to life. *Laugh* This one was different from the others in that it was shorter and more direct. It had less of a slow burn with suspense, which shows that you can write a variety of horror stories. They don't all have the same tone or style.

*Jackolantern* Best Bits: You've managed to create realistic characters, which I am now convinced is a talent of yours. I love the way you described Connie's hair like a waterfall of black ink down her back. That gives us a true vision of what she looks like. From your descriptions, I imagine her to be a very attractive, exotic looking woman. Which brings me to the next point. It was cool how 'Exotic Meats Week' at the restaurant wrapped back around at the end of the story.

The relationship between the two main characters seemed realistic. They're not quite sure where they stand with each other. Connie seems to be a bit of the distant, carefree type whereas the main character would like to settle things down with her and lock it in. It helps to build the paranoia that she may be cheating when he hears when the waiter at their favorite restaurant tells him that Connie left for Bakersfield that morning. The main character knows that there may be something going on.

The whole scene outside Connie's house is very suspenseful. At first, I just figured that Connie was cheating on him, but I knew something bad was going to happen. I expected for something to happen to Connie though. I thought the main character might lose his mind at the sight of her with another man, which is quite the opposite of what actually happened.

It was very tense when the main character lost sight of Connie and the black fog was rolling in. He realized what the exotic meat had been all along and I felt sick along with him. I knew Connie was going to appear out of nowhere, so it was scary when he tried to sneak away and ran right into her.

The ending is super gory and violent. Love it!

*Jackolantern* Possible Suggestions: I noticed something in this story that I didn't in the others and I just want to point it out and see how you feel about it. The transitions in this one were a bit rough and mechanical. In the two others I read, there was such a smooth flow between scenes that I didn't even really notice the scenes changing. In this one, it's like, "We're here, okay, now we're here. That part's done so now this is happening." Do you know what I mean? You managed to get quite a bit out in a short story, several different scenes, which I commend you for, but it did seem a bit robotic to me the way the scenes transitioned.

There are some technical errors with grammar and whatnot. I'm not really going to go into much detail about those here because I don't feel that they took much away from the story. You'll be able to pick most of them up with a quick edit anyway, but I will list a couple, just to give you a general idea of what I'm looking at.

It a split level well-kept home tucked between some hills along I-5. I think it should be either it's or it was here.

As I reached the backyard, and let myself in, the fog seem to follow me like a bad omen. Seem should be seemed.

There are also some areas where commas are used unnecessarily. Here are two examples:

She was close enough for me to swim in the scents that came from her shampoo, and perfume intermingling. I wouldn't put a comma before and here.

My chest tightened as I watched this play continue for what felt like a lifetime, until Connie stood up, and undressed. I would take the second comma out of this sentence.

*Jackolantern* Summary: This was a fun, quick story and an enjoyable read. The characters and story line are realistic, even if the transitions are a bit rough. I've had a nice time checking out your horror stories and I wish you all the best with "The Children" during Nano. Thanks for letting me into your world of horrors. *Smile*

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 10/25/2014 @ 4:47pm EDT
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