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Review #4053095
Viewing a review of:
 Dusk  [E]
Something I wrote at the time of dusk.
by mnicorata
Review of Dusk  
Review by Charlie ~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Hello, mnicorata . My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to the site with a review today. If you have any questions or need help navigating the site, feel free to email me. Keep in mind that the following is just one reader's opinion. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it. If you don't, feel free to disregard this review completely. *Peace2*

*Jackolantern* Title, Hook, and Formatting: I like the title of your poem and the first sentence is a good hook. Who doesn't like dusk and nature poems? It's a quick read as well and held my attention throughout.

*Jackolantern* Best Bits: There are some really great lines in here. The first line for example, The raven calls at midnight, had a lot of great imagery. It set the dark mood of the poem. I loved the idea of a song fluttering on the wind. It really reminded me of that time of day.

*Jackolantern* Possible Suggestions: I was tripping over my tongue trying to read some parts of the poem. The second stanza in particular doesn't flow quite smoothly to me. I think it's the use of so many prepositional phrases. On the wind/in distance/in moonlight/throughout the day all within four short lines was a bit much. I think the lack of punctuation might hurt it a bit too. For example, And echoes in distance away is very hard to read smoothly unless you know where to pause to connect it to the line before and after. I had to read it a couple times to get it to flow.

*Jackolantern* Summary: Overall, I enjoyed reading your poem. I think you have some great lines of imagery. I would suggest reworking some of the phrasing to make it flow better. Try reading it out loud to yourself and seeing where you need to pause in order to have a nice rhythm. Thanks again for sharing with us!

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