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Review #4053184
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She asks where are YOU going, not WE? Then he packs and leaves, no emotion, no kiss goodbye. Was it an arranged marriage, no love?

Coming to a stop at the airport made me think car not airport, you might consider 'landing'.

Everything on the right of vehicle sounds like no buildings or trees etc on the left. You may want to rephrase that so the reader understands that he was driving on the left. HIs astonishment might have been a bit over the top, most people know that in Europe people drive on the left side of the road.

chasing after a child he doesn't know could get him arrested-may want more on this so people won't think he's a pervert, unless you tell us later on that he is, then it's a set up to disaster, so okay.

Most of that area is concrete, did they pass a park or something. And why didn't she scream when a total stranger grabs her?

Her coming to a corner doesn't hint at suicide, you may want to show a near escape from getting hit by a double decker bus or a taxi cab. They aren't called taxi's there, can't remember what they are called, sorry.

She didn't act shocked, startled or concerned about this complete stranger,

"I've been abused by my parents." sounds very grown up talk. "My da hits me", or 'smacks me around." sounds more realistic.

No modern country is going to take away a parents rights with out an inspection, doctors exam, and a court hearing.

You have some interesting stuff here, you have tension with the crying kid, build on it.

I have to finish my dinner, it's getting cold. Hang in there.

love, LinnAnn

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 10/30/2014 @ 12:16am EDT
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