Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item for the Simply Positive Reviewer's Group. If this review was a review request, thank you for asking me and feel free to ask for clarification on any comment!
Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as observations from one writer to another. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest. Most of all, Keep Writing!


TITLE, DESCRIPTION;Excellent title! Description is catchy and makes me want to read further.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS:: You have a great, very deep plot developing here, but you need to work on punctuation, spelling as you write further. I was quite caught up in yourstoryline however- this is thetype of story that would catch my eye in a store!

PLOT; FLOW;; Plot is tantilizing, but needs a touch more depth and refinement as you continue. Flow is spoiled by punctuation and long, run on sentences, but these are easily fixed in the editing stages!

Characters, Dialogue:: Characters are strong and very likeable, very realistic. Dialogue is strong andmoves your story along.

IMAGERY; EMOTION:: Imagery is good, just some editing to reach it's full potential. Emotions of fear, anger, determination stand out here.

Favorite Lines/Parts::
interaction of the couple.
SUGGESTIONS;:
small, one room, rickety shack.withIt had one window, and a kitchen that looked like an afterthought.They had to walk on wooden boards over a bottomless deep pit. [ try something like this for next line] They were so terrified of the children falling, all of them were forbidden to enter the kitchen. [ aloud would be spelled as 'allowed' in the context you have it in the story] [ I felt a deep forest setting was more credible as a hiding spot, or maybe an area with lots of caves- would explain that pit under kitchen?]
...about the witch hunters. finding us. She said [ both redundant, said already]
"Are we? You...
..to slightly cool. because of A light breeze whispered over them.

CLOSING THOUGHTS;: You have a very interesting start here and I sincerely hope you add to it, I'd love to read more!


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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .