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Review #4059309
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Review by Charlie ~
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Rated: | (3.5)
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Hello, spoo952. My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to the site with a review today. If you have any questions or need help navigating the site, feel free to email me. Keep in mind that the following is just one reader's opinion. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it. If you don't, feel free to disregard this review completely. *Peace2*

*Beakerr* General Impressions: This reads almost like the introducing scene to a longer story about a serial killer or something like that. It seems like this is how it would all start. The name is awesome and fitting for the subject matter.

*Beakerb* Best Parts: I liked the slow realization that the main character had. She was straddling the line between sanity and you portrayed that well. When she finally started feeling sick to her stomach about the whole thing, I knew she was aware that she had just messed up majorly. Your descriptions are alive with vivid imagery. It was a lot of fun to read.

*Beakero* Possible Suggestions: We're in desperate need of some paragraphs here. The grammar itself isn't so bad, but it needs proper paragraphing so it doesn't just look like a wall of text when a reader drops in. Other than that, while I liked the main character's sudden realization, I wanted it to delve deeper into that panic. I thought she was really going to freak out, and I was excited for that part. Instead, she just decides that she isn't going to be the same innocent girl she was before because she's now a murderer. It was so rational for her seemingly scattered mind for most of the story.

*Beakerv* Summary: I enjoyed reading your story and it held my attention. I would suggest using proper paragraphs and possibly fleshing out the end a bit more. Thanks again for sharing!

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