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Review #4066605
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Review by Charlie ~
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Rated: | (4.0)
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Hello, poeticgenetic. My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to the site with a review today. If you have any questions or need help navigating the site, feel free to email me. Keep in mind that the following is just one reader's opinion. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it. If you don't, feel free to disregard this review completely. *Snow1*

*Ornament2r* General Impressions: This poem is about losing friends to their life mistakes. It's hard to watch someone we care about go astray and see our relationship with them dwindle down to nothing. I hope no one loses a friend this way, but of course, it happens all the time.

*Ornament1g* Best Parts: I feel like the poem really hit a strong flow in the last stanza and the last two lines in particular was strong and meaningful:

I'm the only one who missed you
When Death approached and kissed you

I feel bad for the narrator and for their friend because addiction is a strong thing and can help lead people into these dangerous situations where they're putting their lives at risk. I also like the imagery of: But now you're fragile as a feather. Perfect way to describe a person who is physically fading away as the friendship fades as well.

*Ornament3r* Possible Suggestions: I think the first stanza might need some reworking because it doesn't quite flow with a smooth rhythm when I read it aloud. I don't know if it's the near rhymes that aren't near enough or if it's the syllable stresses.

I didn't quite like the pissed/dissed part. Dissed to me is like an old slang word that went out of style. I know it rhymes, but I think you'd be able to find some more imaginative ways to convey this part.

*Ornament4g* Summary: Overall, I thought this was an interesting story told through poetry. The last two lines stuck with me. I believe there is room for improvement with flow and language in a couple areas. Thanks again for sharing with us!

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