Hi! I'm judging "Invalid Item"  for Round 65 and thought I should give everyone some quick feedback on their synchronicity poems!

Some things I Like:

I appreciate that you took this in a not-so-obvious direction. It is clearly based on the image, but it seems like a jumping-off point rather than the entirety of the poem, if that makes sense. In general, it is pretty clever to use the image as a reference to Snow White. I did not think of it when I saw the picture, but now that you mention it, the connection is definitely there!

Observations & Suggestions:

The "to her" made me frown the first time. Reading it again on the next line was nearly painful. Ineffective repetition can kill an otherwise lovely poem for me. I'm just very sensitive to repeated sounds, and "to her" sounds... unpleasant... but not in a powerful emotive-poem way. Not only that, but the meaning can be implied. Who else would the mirror have lied to? Would it have told her something but lied to someone else? The meaning is entirely clear without 'to her'.

Similarly, the "to live"/"to live" did not work well for me either. This is such a short form. It seems like a shame to repeat words with no power. I will say that "to live" is slightly stronger than "to her", but both are rather dull phrases. I'd consider revising a little bit.

There are some really weird flow moments here and there as well. Like "Of death, exploring the long dark" is a very awkward line. I tripped over it every time... just as a for instance.

Overall, the piece was a pretty good read. You took it in a really cute direction I think. Very creative. There are other areas that could be smoothed out or made stronger with light revision, but the only parts that I sort of just despise are the repetitions of 'to her' and 'to live'. I'd probably set the piece aside for a few months and read it with fresh eyes. A little revision could go a long way with this one. Thanks for the entry and good luck in the contest!





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .