I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" .
Thanks so much for entering!

Some things I Like:

You packed a whole lot of character info into a very short word count. That most defintely counts for something. The writing itself was also very clear and clean.

Observations & Suggestions:

There were lots of details here, but there wasn't a strong character voice. It was sort of matter-of-fact. The "story" aspect all falls into a single paragraph, and that story felt a little bit rushed to me.

This is the makings of a good character, but nothing was really done with her, if that makes sense? A bit more depth-- maybe some emotive language to give voice to the character-- would be great. Working out some way to incorporate the love story (which is the closest to a plot there is here) into the beginning would make it feel more cohesive as well. It is a fine start though!



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .