I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" .
Thanks so much for entering!

Some things I Like:

This is a cool idea for a character, and the intro was a clever sort of hook.

Observations & Suggestions:

There are some weird grammar issues in here that made reading the piece more difficult than it needed to be. Using fragments and such is fitting for a narrative, but it can cause problems if not done very well. For instance, I had to read "When I got the news [...] I still love you," I was completely confused because of the way you used the fragments. I had to read it four or five times to make sense of it. It is something to watch out for in a piece like this.

This piece is so short that the details didn't seem to gel. There are biographical details that don't seem to fit with the 'story' of his wife dying. I didn't really care that she was dead because the love story aspect did not move me. The details also seemed sort of random as far as the order goes, hopping around.

Honestly, I think that the interview idea is super clever, but it could use some polish and a bit more information to make the piece seem cohesive.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .