Hi! I'm judging "Invalid Item"  for Round 65 and thought I should give everyone some feedback on their synchronicity poems!

Some things I Like:

I just have to say that I feel like I review you all the time and decided to check on that! With this review, you are now tied for first place as the most reviewed person ever for me. Just thought that it was interesting.

Now, onto the important part. I like the poem, love. It uses emotive language. There's a nice balance of imagery and purpose (i.e. it is not one long string of creepy imagery with a line at the end to connect it or some such). You also did very well with the POV change.

You know that I'm a sucker for quirky word choice as well, so I appreciate that you worked some odd words in here... like pigeonholed. Great word, and I don't recall seeing it in a whole lot of poems.

Observations & Suggestions:

I love the opening stanza... awesome hook. I thought the first line was a bit strange though. Like, the "they say" should be offset with commas or something? It seems like sort of an aside, but without any punctuation, it is a bit weird.

"In the well behind my lined eyes" is a super awkward one for me. It tripped me up every single time I read it.

The third stanza is one of the weaker ones for me. I like the first line, but the next lines have nothing at all to do with the first. As a stanza, it seems disjointed.

Overall, I like the piece. It could use a little polish for punctuation (that third stanza, for instance, should not be connected with commas since the ideas are not well connected). I do appreciate the meaning, tone, and effort put into the piece. A very nice entry! Good luck in yet another contest, love!



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .