Hi! I'm judging "Invalid Item"  for Round 65 and thought I should give everyone some feedback on their synchronicity poems!

Some things I Like:

Nice narrative here, Dave. It tells a very clear story. The flow is nice as well. I also appreciate that you took a very different approach to the prompt. I love your use of the apple. The last stanza in relation to the prompt image is particularly interesting.

Observations & Suggestions:

The narrative sort of took over multiple stanzas of the piece. The second stanza, for instance, has no strong emotive quality and no amazing word choice. It drives the narrative forward, but it wasn't very interesting.

You have some nice contrast moments as well, but the contrasts themselves did not seem new to me. "Dark shadows" and "bright rays of success"... cute but I felt like I've read it before. The 5th and 6th stanzas also provide a nice contrast and change in tone, but the phrasing itself seems very familiar. Hungry eyes, crashing the party, arm in arm... I do quite like the 'waltzing across the stage of life' though. It is sort of old Hollywood dramatic as well.

The last two stanzas have a little twist to them, but it is not super evident. The 6th stanza was already taking a darker turn, so it seemed rather gradual in its progression.

Overall, I think it was a nice read. It didn't move me necessarily, and it isn't the strongest that I have read from you. However, it does serve its purpose for the contest itself, and the use of the prompt is one of the more unique and clever that I have seen thus far. Basically, it is a pretty solid piece, but there is room for improvement if you choose to revise it sometime.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .