*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4069090
Review #4069090
Viewing a review of:
A Place Called Anomie - Chapters 1 & 2  [13+]
Short story - becoming novelette, then novella, then maybe novel.
by Geoff
Review by A Non-Existent User
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Geoff,

Chapter one and two of "A Place called Anomie" was a fun read. It had me laughing.

My favorite was Al's accent, and I liked it more when he said that it's not his accent but it's him who does not spell well *Laugh*.

At the beginning I did have a bit of trouble understanding the spaces between the road, street, stripes, buildings but I did get the overall setting. The line none of this has anything to do with our story encouraged me, telling me it's okay not to get the accurate setting since it won't affect my understanding of the story.

The more than two/ multidimensional room of Pa was really nice and very well described. I found it fascinating that he could paint images of mirrors that actually looked like mirrors. However, this fascination didn't last for long when I read his line: I would be able to see my reflection, but I can't . . . At this point I asked myself whether there was any reflection at all in Pa's painting. Also, I wondered why didn't the reflection of G move in Pa's painting ( But, strangely, when G. moved his reflection in the supposed mirrors did NOT move)

The characters were really good. From Al's way of talking and the way he didn't differentiate cataleptic and catalpa trees shows his level of education. I also like the way you invented G's character. He seemed down to earth because he went over at Al's and also educated. Both the characters are so different and look like they are from different worlds. I like the way they interact.

I spotted some niggles. Click here if you're interested.
My grammatical suggestions ▼

I saw that you picked nonsense as one of the genres. I would replace that with comedy because I don't think it's nonsense at all.

Please keep in mind that these were just my personal opinions, so feel free to disregard some or all of them if you don't think they fit your story.

Overall, a fun chapter. Looking forward to read the next ones. Write on!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You last responded to this review 12/18/2014 @ 1:25pm EST
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4069090