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Review #4069987
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A Place Called Anomie - Chap. 4  [13+]
G. and Sashimi begin walking down the path of love.
by Geoff
Review by A Non-Existent User
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hi Geoff,

I liked this chapter very much. It's filled with powerful description and emotions. Now I get a clearer picture of G.

The way I see it, G lives everyday of his life like it's a new one without connection to the previous days. This is because he can't remember the previous days unless something or someone triggers it, and I like this aspect of his personality very much.

It was very beautiful the way you described Sashimi in the first paragraph. I could see her very vividly.

In the middle of the chapter I saw some possibilities. It's nice that the form changed from prose to number/point form lines. At least it changed the monotony. And I like all the points because it just spoke more of the characters. It reminded me of exam questions I did in elementary school. Most questions for me were really easy to answer and that's why I that form in the middle of your chapter is fun. I'm just wondering if you're planning to turn in into a novel, do you think all the readers might like it? Just a thought.

The dialogue is wonderful. G forgetting shows his mind or memories: what he remembers or does not. And Sashimi is very supportive of him. I don't know why but she loves him unconditionally. I love this line that shows her unconditional love and acceptance of him: But whatever you are - old, young, strange, neat, sloppy, cool, caucasian, stupid, funny, aphasic, amnestic, lonely, extroverted ...... etc., etc., whatever separate individual things you are, they are all interrelated into a very pleasing whole, and that is what I love so much." *Inlove*
Now for the .....etc., etc part; did she actually say that? If she didn't say etc, then you could just end it with ellipsis.
Another thing is that, with Sashimi being just 18, how did she know some of the words like aphsic and amnestic? Unless she was very educated and very much into psychiatric nursing. I also think that her career choice would be good for G.

Also why did she call him her future lover?

This is my most favorite part: ". . . whatever separate individual things you are, they are all interrelated into a very pleasing whole, and that is what I love so much." She must have been really psychologically mature to think this way.

Speaking of maturity, in the previous chapter, you wrote that she wasn't young. But in this chapter she's 18. Is she the same Sashimi?

Throughout the story, I saw three points of view. At some point the narrator's view mixes with G's but that didn't bring out any confusion for me. It just flowed, even with the middle part taking point form. It's a good chapter.

Write on!

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