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Review #4071077
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by A Guest Visitor
Review by Charlie ~
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello, lmmortal . How are you doing today? I haven't been by in a while and I'm participating in the 12 Days of Christmas challenge from "Blog Harbor from The Talent Pond" . Day one is simple enough, we just have to find someone to review and then write a blog entry about it. You were the first person I thought about because you know how much I love your poetry. So here goes.. I'll tag you in the blog entry too, when I do it.

I'll start by saying I had a lot of trouble deciding which poem to review and ended up reading three or four that I was debating between. I ended up going with this one because I love the poetic language in it. The first line, Trembling feet in the depths of this cold sand, is a great hook and sets the entire tone for the poem. This poem is about fighting for a lost love, from my perception. The personification of the water and moon work really well at building the mood and background story for the poem.

The feelings of abandonment are clearly presented and I feel like I can relate to the sentiment. I think anyone who has fought for someone a lot could relate with the words. At some point, you just give up and put the ball in their court. It's up to them whether they pick it up or not. Of course, you put it a lot more eloquently. *Wink* My favorite part of your poetry is your ability to connect the words in such a poetic way every time.

When I get down to my favorite lines in this one, it's an easy one. My favorite lines are in the sixth stanza where the imagery and emotion seem to build up the most:

Selfish waves just keep its lust alive,
Kissing the shore, indulged in its own fantasy,
Drowns the name of my love with its hunger

I love the idea of the waves 'kissing' the shore. It's wonderful imagery.

I do have a couple suggestions, so hear me out.

Distant waves crashes in and kisses my shore...
Ripples of your image comes and goes,

I think there's a subject-verb agreement issue in these two lines. The nouns are plural so I don't think crashes/kisses and comes/goes work best here. I would make them either:

Distant waves crash in and kiss my shore...
Ripples of your image come and go

OR

Distant wave crashes in and kisses my shore...
Ripple of your images comes and goes

I don't know about you, but I think the first example works a lot better with the plural nouns and crash/kiss, come/go.

It’s never ending melody leaving me breathless.

In this one, I don't think its needs an apostrophe because it's a possessive pronoun rather than the contraction for it is.

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 01/25/2015 @ 10:05am EST
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