Characters:

Marissa Jones: At first I wondered why her full name isn't mentioned until the end, but then I realized that it had to be that way. I think Marissa is portrayed well here. She loves teaching kindergarten, but puts on like she doesn't when her friend, Tracy, begins complaining about her class and the children. I think that made Miss Jones authentic. By changing her mind and agreeing with Tracy, even though she thought otherwise, Marissa is in her way, agreeing with Tracy.

Tracy: I didn't much like her. She's a good character, she offsets Miss Jones. But she's a bit pushy. She pushed Marissa to go to the baseball game, then pushes her to leave her phone number for the waiter. And after she leaves Marissa sitting alone at the table and rushes off without asking Marissa how she'll get home, it's Marissa she calls to cry to about her boyfriend. As a character she's great, especially since she seems to be Marissa's opposite.

Rob: What can I say? He's a cad, a bum, a three-timer, good for nothing, and careless. He never should have left his phone sitting around.

Dialogue:

The dialogue is well done. Dialogue is used for many reasons, one of which is to move the story forward, another is to give the reader some information important to the story. The dialogue in this story did both, and it did it well. The dialogue was authentic and helped me to understand the story. Well done!


Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling:

I saw no errors that detracted from the story.


Comments:

I do have a couple of questions:

If Rob left his phone at home that day, how did Miss Jones call him?

If Rob left his phone at home, did Tracy wait until she arrived home after work to check his messages? If so, I think it's important to let the reader know that.

I like surprise endings in the stories I read, and yours did not disappoint me. The story kept my interest throughout, but I did have to read the ending twice before I caught on. (But that's probably more my fault than the story's.)

This is well written, interesting, and a truly believable story. Well done! Keep writing!

~~Thank you for sharing your story.~~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .