Greetings, Maineiac !

I like how you began this piece with a little history background. And I really have to ask...Do you belong to a writing group called The Pencil Farm? What a unique name, either way. My writing group is called Mid-Michigan Word Gatherers which isn't nearly so cool as The Pencil Farm! And also, just by reading your title, I'm wondering if this group is going to go on more adventures? Hmmm...

I have a few technical suggestions listed below. My reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works, and leave the rest.

Paragraph 7

"Hey Al" I called to my roommate, "Check this out".
Okay... you can do this a few different ways. You'll need to put some sort of punctuation after Al for pause. Either a comma or exclamation point. If you are going to use a comma after roommate (which means it's a continuation of the beginning of the sentence), then you won't need to cap the C in Check. Here are two examples:

"Hey Al," I called to my roommate, "check this out."
or
"Hey Al!" I called to my roommate. "Check this out."

I won't pick through all your dialogue, but you might want to go through it and make sure you add a period, comma, or exclamation point before the ending quotation mark. Also, if the dialogue tag ends with a comma, it means the following dialogue is a contiuation and should not begin with a capital letter. If your tag ends with a period, then any following dialogue will begin with a capital letter. (If I am confusing you, lol, email me and I will try to explain better. )

Also remember periods, commas, and exclamation points stay on the inside of the quotation marks, right at the end of your sentence or phrase.

Nice job on the journal entry. When I read the names "Faith and Hope" I wanted to be sure to tell you my mother's name was Hope and her sister, my aunt, was named Faith. I know it has nothing to do with the story, but I just had to add that little tidbit of information!

I thought your dialogue was good and flowed well.

Nice job with the ending!

Have a great day and
K e e p on W r i t i n g !

Cubby ")



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .