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Review #4080997
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Review of  
Review by ~Minja~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
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Hi mochatea *Smile*
It's been pleasure to review your "Invalid Item"  on behalf of The Simply Positive Group. Please be reminded that my review is based on one person's opinion and you have all rights to choose if you like it or not. So please feel free to use if you find something interesting or just ignore if you don't like something.

*Star* Why I chose to review your story?
Hello there. Well, while searching for fresh newbie's story yours popped up first. I chose it because in description you said that this is your first chapter of your series Connecting. I rather read chapters here than short stories who has some kind of beginning and then at the end leaves the reader wandering. Later on I see people never finish what they started and I don't like it.

*Star* First impression/Plot?
Here we have a little, wonderful teenage story. I think most of the youth can relate to what I just read. Classic story set at school where average teenage girl feels different than her colleagues. And then she meets this guy.This is common thing today, I think, in most of the novels. We have to make our main character interesting to reader and present him the best we can. I remember what Coco Chanel said once; "In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different." In real life I'm led by this sentence and I think this plays main part when it comes about creating, writing and then publishing your work. I hope you will remember this in your process of creating. I know we can't force people to like our stories but what we can is to give them a good reason why they could try. I'm not a teenager, but I can still caught myself liking and reading stuff for youth. I hope I'm not wrong, maybe you have other plans with all this, but this is what I realized from the writing above.

*Star* My suggestions?
Maybe it's just me but when it comes about chapters I always find they are too short, especially written here in WdC. I almost can say that chapter from above is just introduction because you could say a lot more here. I liked the story seriously but to make me satisfied totally I need more description. Maybe it's just me as I said, maybe I'm too lazy to imagine pictures of situations and characters in my head, but I love when writer pay a lot of attention to details. Since you said this is your first chapter I'm aware there will be a lot editing, re-writing if you decide to continue with it. I don't like to be harsh in my reviews, my opinion is always based on my overall thinking which is always colorful. I hope you understand what I want to say. *Smile*

*Star* Final thought?
There is a lot of "vampire-something is wrong with me-I'm different" stories and novels today and I hope yours will be unique and different enough to drag the reader into your world. Good luck with that and welcome to Writing.Com. Enjoy in your stay here. *Smile*
~Minja~
"SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP" 
check out my contest "Invalid Item" 
*Pencil* Be courageous and try to write in a way that scares you a little *Pencil*
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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 01/30/2015 @ 7:04am EST
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