Hi! I'm judging "Invalid Item"  for Round 66 and thought I should give everyone some feedback on their epistles!

Some things I Like:

It seems like it has been ages since I reviewed you. Switching from multiple contests to just one bi-monthly makes a big difference I guess!

Just some quick feedback. I think that most parents, especially mothers, will be able to relate to this on some level. Personally, I have a son and can still relate to some degree. Raising children to become strong, independent adults is a concern that any parent can understand though, which makes for a broad audience.

You have some nice phrasing throughout, and I like think the flow is good too.

Observations & Suggestions:

"These wolves who like to dress / as sheep" -- This is an old idea that makes perfect sense in context. It seemed slightly bulky to me though. I would consider cutting 'like to'. It doesn't add anything to the meaning really. "Like" is such a dull word that it doesn't bring much to the table. "Wolves who dress as sheep" is much more powerful in my opinion.

"The way you live your fascinations" -- This struck me as a little weird. It's intriguing, but living fascinations is still slightly odd in my mind.

In the middle and end, there are a whole lot of You/Your lines. An epistle should speak directly to someone(s), but a little more variation there might be nice.

The "Your ability to be yourself / without fear of reprimand" -- I like what you're saying here, but there is a bit of a disconnect. First, you stopped using plural, so it reads as though you're talking to just one daughter. Second, we can infer that this also inspires you, but there is no direct connection to that line. Know what I mean?

Overall, I dig it, love. It has nice sentiment, and I think that it has some very strong moments. There is room for revision, but when isn't there? It is also very fitting for the contest prompt.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .