Hi! I'm judging "Invalid Item"  for Round 66 and thought I should give everyone some feedback on their epistles!

Some things I Like:

Nice to see another entry from you, love! I'm just giving everyone quickie reviews since things have been more than a little hectic here.

This definitely fits the prompt for the contest. This reminds me somewhat of text messages because of the brevity, which I think actually works very well. I also know that I, personally, can relate to the piece. Who hasn't hurt a friend before? I have been guilty of it on more than one occasion.

Observations & Suggestions:

I thought it was strange that only one stanza didn't begin with "Sweet Sarah". If three of the four do, why not just make the last one fit the pattern?

"Have I broke your heart?" should be "Have I broken your heart?" if you want to be grammatically correct. It tripped me up a little bit.

I love the 'cringe to hear my name' line, but the "Do you hate me?" seems lackluster somehow. It is just so common I guess.

The use of 'reign' in the third stanza caught me off-guard. I'd recommend breaking the line elsewhere so that 'reign your silent hex' is together. Reign can be either a verb or a noun, and its current position gives no clue as to which you're using until the reader gets to the next line. It could cause some stumbling... I know it did for me.

The archaic language in the final stanza seemed totally random. It doesn't fit the tone of the rest of the piece. 'How dear to me thou art"? Where in the world did that come from? It is all the stranger because this is a modern free verse poem until the final stanza... it is pretty far from traditional.

Overall, I think this is a nice piece that could use a little fine tuning. It is a good entry for the contest though! Good luck, love! It will be hard to judge this round.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .