Hi, I'm Bikerider , a judge for

"Invalid Item" 

I have read your entry, "Invalid Item"  and I offer this review for your consideration. I hope you find my comments helpful.

Character:

There is one character in the story. You refer to this character as both Miss Martha and Mrs. Martha. Obviously there is a discrepancy here because Miss and Mrs. can denote an older or younger character. The reader sees very little of Martha, no physical description, however, the most important thing we learn is about her loneliness, an emotion most people have felt at some time in their lives, and it makes Martha authentic, it gives her life.


Dialogue:

There is very little dialogue here, only one sentence, but it is appropriately placed. However, a new paragraph should follow the dialogue, instead of continuing as part of the same paragraph.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling:

Other than some missing commas, I found no grammar, punctuation, or spelling errors that detracted from the story.

Comments:

I had to read this piece twice to get the gist of the story. I would have preferred to know that the story was the result of the teacher's found diary, because I believe the prose would have made more sense that way. However, reading the inner thoughts of a lonely teacher makes for a good personal story.

This story gave me a glimpse of a lonely teacher living alone, of meager income, and virtually no friends. I would have liked to know more about the benevolent gentleman. Who he was, why did her help her financially, and why did he stop.

I look forward to reading more of your work. There is so much here that could be added to enhance this scene. I encourage you to give the story some depth, a bit of description, some dialogue, and a bit of your talent. If you do move ahead with this, please let me know when it's finished, I'd like to read it.

Bikerider







My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .