Hi, I'm Bikerider , a judge for

"Invalid Item" 

I have read your entry, "Invalid Item"  and I offer this review for your consideration. I hope you find my comments helpful.

It's not always easy for a writer to submit their work for others to read and critique, but I'm glad you did. I enjoyed reading this story and never lost interest from beginning to end.

As writers, we strive to make a reader feel something, and this story did that for me. It is a unique way to explain that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, or in his or her imagination. Well done.

Character:

The characters are portrayed well, but they did seem a bit stiff to me. Sometimes a character can benefit from some movement. People usually have some movement while they converse; scratch their nose, run fingers through their hair, point, sniffle, whatever, but it's those movements that give the character life. While the dialogue here is good, the speakers are somewhat wooden, almost as if the two men were reading a script.

Dialogue:

The dialogue is well done. Dialogue should move a story forward and give the reader important information in an interesting way. The dialogue in this story does both, and it does it well. But keep in mind my comments above. Character movement gives a speaker life.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling:

I saw no errors that detracted from the story.

Comments:

Some things to consider:
The opening sentence/paragraph of a story is the hook, it's the place where a writer has the best chance of pulling in his reader and making him want to keep reading instead of putting the story down. In your opening paragraph you have used the same paragraph even though it contains the dialogue of two speakers. In dialogue, each speaker gets his/her own sentence or paragraph. Your opening should look like this:

One morning in late summer, I ran into my old college roommate, Socrates Prevedouros, at the Lakefront Café. “Socrates,” I called out, “it’s been a while. How are you, buddy?”
“Ah, Val,” he said. Everyone calls me Val, even though I’m a guy. “Come join me, so we can have a discussion.” That was his way of talking. I bought my usual cup of medium roast and sat down with him at one of the tiny, white, metal tables with a dainty design. I'm assuming that it's Socrates that is inviting Val to have a cup of coffee, but as written it can be either Val or Socrates.

I like the subtle meaning this story carries. Who decides what is art?. Your story is full of creativity and unmistakable talent. I brought up the character's movements, or lack of it, but if that style was used here to be more succinct than visual than it certainly works. I think that if you animated your characters even a little you would maintain the message while giving the story a bit of depth.

Well done, an enjoyable read.

Bikerider






My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .