Hi, I'm Bikerider , a judge for

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I have read your entry, "The Checkered Path and the Machine Dream"  and I offer this review for your consideration. I hope you find my comments helpful.

Thank you for entering the contest. It is not always easy writers to put their work out there for others to read and critique, but I'm glad you did.

My thoughts:

I read your story, twice, so that I could get the gist of it. Here's what I saw. A man dreaming about machines that have taken over mankind, but is also destroying man's world. But then I realized it doesn't matter what I see here, after all, it's just a dream and dreams don't have to make sense. Still, there were places where I was left completely confused.

I walked for a long time. Not as long as the first time. I don't know what you mean by 'the first time.' Then there is the bracelet that shows history, but you don't say what the history is or how the bracelet plays a part in the story.


The ending seems out of place, other than to box in the story with the fashionist on the radio at the beginning and using it again at the end. Boxing in a story sometimes works, I don't see its purpose here.

I'm afraid your story has left me completely flat, but please don't let that discourage you. Your story shows you have a great imagination, and a willingness to let your imagination run wild...and that is what propels most writers forward.

Bikerider






My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .