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Review #4087639
Viewing a review of:
 Wondered Why   [E]
I didn't know why
by Steph_anie
Review of Wondered Why  
Review by Charlie ~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



Hello, Steph_anie . My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to WDC today with a quick review. My inbox is open if you need any help navigating the site. Keep in mind that the following is just the opinion of one reader. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it! If not, feel free to disregard it completely. *Peace2*



*Mushroomo* First Impressions *Mushroomo*

I liked the alliteration in the title on this one. It caught my attention on the "Read a Newbie" page. I wanted to see what the narrator was wondering about. Who doesn't like a good mystery?


*Mushroomg* Subject Matter *Mushroomg*

It can be really difficult when you keep going back to the same person over and over despite them hurting you in the past. We all want to think that someone has changed or is going to change. The realization that they haven't leaves us wondering why we can't get them off our mind. That is the dilemma the narrator faces in this poem, and it's one a lot of people could probably relate to.


*Mushroomb* Things That Worked *Mushroomb*

I liked the idea of the other person having a rope around your heart and it hurts as they pull you closer. I think it's natural to put a wall up with someone who has hurt you in the past. It's hard to accept what they've done and trust them again. That idea stood out to me because it's a good way to describe it to a third party who may not have personal experience with it.


*Mushroomv* Suggestions *Mushroomv*

The wording for the poem is super straight forward sentences and doesn't seem to have much 'poetic language', if you will. The use of full sentences, "I can't seem to get you out of my head" "There are times when I want to hug you", are fine to use but when the entire poem is comprised of them, it gives the reader a hard time developing any sort of flow. It feels more like reading a story than a poem. I would suggest working on the language in this piece, or possibly turning it into a longer monologue that could make use of these full sentences.


*Mushroomp* Final Thoughts *Mushroomp*

Overall, I think you have a lot to say on this topic and your experience with it came through clearly. Thanks again for sharing with us. Let me know if you decide to do an edit and I'll take another look.




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