"Row Row Row Your Boat" (Poem #4) [13+] A dark parody of the classic song. |
Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Hello, ValerieShiflett . My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to WDC today with a quick review. My inbox is open if you need any help navigating the site. Keep in mind that the following is just the opinion of one reader. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it! If not, feel free to disregard it completely. First Impressions Well, isn't this a fun one! I think we've all heard the original. I love dark versions of old rhyming songs like this. It's so easy to sing along and the creepy twist brings life to such an old piece. I've tried to do a couple of these before and they've never quite panned out for me. I'm impressed that you made it work so well! Things That Worked The first two stanzas were spot on and so easy to jump right into. It was like being on a horror boat ride for Halloween. Hey, you should license this song to a place that does haunted boat rides! I can totally picture people singing along to this and having a jolly time before a shark comes up and eats them. Suggestions The third stanza is a bit off for me. The flow isn't quite there and I think the fault lies within the last line. "From all you have gave trouble" is a confusing sentence and hard to interpret. I would suggest changing this to something like, "From all you've given trouble." When I read it in my head, that seems to flow better with the lines above it. Final Thoughts Thanks for the spooky trip! I think you did a good job with darkening such a bright, cheery song. Thanks again for sharing with us. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " ! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
|