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Review #4087944
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Review by Tiggy
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Rated: | (4.5)
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I was so wrapped up in Allen's story that I never would have guessed the twist at the end. You focussed on him as the main character and the readers wouldn't think to question their perception of what was going on. As he was making his way to the stage, musing about the fact that he didn't really believe in all of that, his apprehension was quite clear, but the readers could also see that he was keen to make contact with his brother so his discomfort was worth it.

There may have been some early hints which direction the story would take with the strange surroundings and the doorman in his old-fashioned uniform, but the readers only knew that with hindsight. I noticed, after I finished reading, that you didn't go into the details of the accident and in the absence of explanations, the readers would fill in the blanks based on what they knew at that point, or thought they knew. That was nicely done.

I spotted a few minor typos, and if you wanted to edit this story you might want to take a look at them:

a weeks wages - week's

until its your turn - it's

don't worry stage fright is quite natural - you need a comma after "worry."

Come forward my friend don't be shy - there should be commas around "my friend" to set off the direct address.

Those were just a few minor things that didn't take away from the enjoyment of the story. The ending was almost humorous as well as sad for both Allen and Colin, and I realised that, while I first thought that the brief description gave too much away, it was actually very well done. I enjoyed this story. *Smile*


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