There is a tone of preaching in the poem which reads like a prose. It 's story of a materialistic nature which is refuge from the hopelessness of the life spent. But the habits are making a mess of the life and only solution to the pain could be straighten out with the right choices in the life. The message is clear but it doesn't flow that powerfully.A little editing might make it better.
A good read,

Jaya H.