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Review #4096990
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by A Guest Visitor
Review by Bikerider
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


Hi, I'm Bikerider , a judge for "Invalid Item" I have read your entry, "Invalid Item"  and I offer this review for your consideration. I hope you find my comments helpful.


After reading your last month's entry I was hoping you'd submit another story. And just as I expected, I wasn't disappointed.

Character: I liked all three of the characters here, Sousuke a little more than the others. You do a good job giving movement to your characters. Action and animation gives a character life and makes them authentic, and you did a good job bringing your characters to life here. But poor Sousuke, everyone expects him to give dangerous gifts, or take violent actions...but that made him more interesting and alive.

Dialogue: The dialogue is well done, appropriate, and fits the story; even the Wo-wowy-wood, which I thought added even more to the character.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling: There are a couple of places where commas should have been used, but I saw no spelling or grammar problems, nothing that detracted from the story.

Comments: Your voice is beginning to show through in your writing. You have mixed humor and light drama here, and you did it well. The story flows smoothly and held my interest from start to finish, and I didn't stumble anywhere.

I wouldn't mind reading more about the activities of these three characters. A photographer, a Japanese female who has forgotten how to act 'Japanese' and a body guard who seems like a kind-hearted mercenary with a tendency to scare people. That's a great combination for future stories.

Good job. An enjoyable read.

NOTE: Thank you for using the larger font.

Bikerider


~~Thank you for sharing your work, and good luck in the contest.~~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get Noticed."


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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 03/21/2015 @ 2:20pm EDT
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