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Review #4103195
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Review by Charlie ~
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Rated: | (3.5)
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*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



Hello silentlysioux. My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to WDC today with a quick review. My inbox is open if you have any questions or need help navigating the site. Keep in mind that the following is just the opinion of one reader. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it! If not, feel free to disregard it completely. *Sun* *Peace2*


*Tulipr**Poseyr*General Impressions*Poseyr**Tulipr*
I chose to read this poem because I liked the title. After reading the description, I thought the title worked well with it. The idea of glass hearts brings about imagery of the fragility of love and how it feels when it's lost. I like the WritingML you used too. The bigger font and blue color looks nice, especially for such a short poem. If it was an entire story, it might be distracting, but not for such a short piece. *Smile*

*Tulipb**Poseyb*What Worked*Poseyb**Tulipb*
There were definitely some strong parts in the poem where the emotion came across clearly. I especially liked the first two couplets because it shows the pain that is felt throughout the years before the eventual end of the relationship. Sometimes I think the part before breaking up is harder than the break up. You're trying to hold onto the idea of being together even though you know it's over.

*Tulipp**Poseyp*Suggestions*Poseyp**Tulipp*
A couple parts didn't really work for me. I'm not sure about the third couplet in particular. "The sun's gone down on this old clown" didn't seem to stick with the romantic theme of the poem. I don't know if I just don't see clowns as being a good example or what, but that stanza definitely stood out. I think rhyming couplets can definitely work sometimes, but it seems like the rhyming is held to more importance than the words being written sometimes. I'm not saying that's necessarily the case here, just offering something to think about.

*Tulipv**Poseyv*Summary*Poseyv**Tulipv*
Overall, I enjoyed reading your poem and I'm glad I took a peak. The title and opening lines are good hooks. I think some of the wording needs work. Thanks again for sharing with us!


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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/20/2015 @ 1:38am EDT
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