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Review #4103832
Viewing a review of:
 There's Something in the Woods  [13+]
While gathering wild garlic Hillary senses something is terribly wrong
by River
Review by Tiggy
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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This story went in a totally different direction to the one I expected! You did a good job building the tension making it look like there was something rather dark and sinister in the woods watching the main character. And really, after you started with some beautiful descriptions that made it very easy for the readers to imagine the scene, introducing the threatening presence was already a bit of a twist. But once I had accepted the premise I was then prepared for something, anything other than what it actually turned out to be.

The appearance of the officers was quite humorous and offered some light relief after the build-up. It seemed that they lay in hiding until the main character had incriminated herself enough for them to take action. It would have done for them to come out sooner and alert her to the laws if she wasn't aware, but that wasn't in their interest. In that respect, they fit the image I had in my head after the tense descriptions of the noises she could hear and the dread she started to feel quite well! *Laugh*

The writing was very good and I only spotted one error you might want to take a look at; it occurs a few times here and might also be useful for future reference.

“You have been caught poaching wild garlic Miss.” One of the officers said sternly.

In dialogue, when the sentence continues after the speech, there should be a comma before the closing speech marks and the sentence should continue with a lower-case letter. Also, you need a comma before the direct address at the end, so I would rewrite this as,

“You have been caught poaching wild garlic, Miss,” one of the officers said sternly.

It's just a minor error but it might be worth noting if you use dialogue in other stories. It doesn't diminish the quality of the story and the entertainment value, and I enjoyed the read. *Smile*


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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/15/2015 @ 11:14am EDT
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