*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4105628
Review #4105628
Viewing a review of:
 The Children of Scorn  [E]
A rhyming poem about aspiring young athletes taking the field.
by Tim Chiu
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
my review sig

"SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP" 

Hello there, Tim Chiu
This is a Simply Positive Review! *Flagb*

*Compass* I came across your item by clicking on the "Random Review."

*Baseball* Your poem portrays a vivid picture of those young athletes who have to train for hours each day in order to become noticed and then make there way into the game. It is thrilling and enthralling. They live and breath it each day and push to better themselves, for they were "born" to do this.

It also shows that it is not an easy life, for an athlete must never let his guard down in order to maintain his game. *Fisho*

Observation:

*Note2* The only thing that jumped out at me was the repeat use of the word "these." It pops up a few times in the poem and I think there can be a way to reword the line to avoid the repeats.

Otherwise, the rhythm and rhyme were spot on!*Sun*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4105628