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Review #4105637
Viewing a review of:
 Them  [E]
My thoughts and tormented feelings about PDA.
by ColemanM
Review of Them  
Review by Charlie ~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Hello ColemanM . My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to WDC today with a quick review. My inbox is open if you have any questions or need help navigating the site. Keep in mind that the following is just the opinion of one reader. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it! If not, feel free to disregard it completely. *Sun* *Peace2*


*Tulipr**Poseyr*General Impressions*Poseyr**Tulipr*
Ah, those silly couples and their PDA! *Laugh* Seriously though, you always seem to notice PDA when you're single. Have you ever tried to go out on Valentine's Day while single? Don't do it! PDA everywhere. No shame, the whole lot of 'em. I was working at a restaurant one Valentine's Day and we had so many couples come in that we ended up having like a two hour wait. I think you've picked a good topic to write about here. It's clearly one that you can connect with in some way and your passion about the topic shines through clearly.

*Tulipb**Poseyb*What Worked*Poseyb**Tulipb*
I loved the part about gouging your eyeballs out. *Bigsmile* You know things are getting serious when you'd rather blind yourself than see any more PDA. I also like the general emotion used throughout the poem. You can't ignore it and it's in your face. The envious tone is crystal clear, especially when you mention the couples showing off. They likely don't even know anyone else exists in that moment, but it can be perceived as showing off their happiness by those who don't share the same relationship.

*Tulipp**Poseyp*Suggestions*Poseyp**Tulipp*
I really wasn't digging all the one word line breaks. I can see where it makes the mood a bit urgent at times, or in the end where it makes things seem somewhat bleak, but it was just way too much for me overall. The beginning is especially important because that's where you need to hook readers into the message of the poem. All of the "that" and "-ing" verbs didn't seem to do justice for the message of the poem, in my opinion.

*Tulipv**Poseyv*Summary*Poseyv**Tulipv*
Overall, I thought this was an interesting idea for a poem because I think we've all felt that way at some point when we see happy couples enjoying themselves in public. The execution could use a little bit of work, particularly in providing a better hook and tighter lines. Thanks again for sharing with us!


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