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Review #4105652
Viewing a review of:
 Self-Destruction   [E]
A volcano erupting witin.
by Therighterr
Review by Charlie ~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



Hello Therighterr . My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to WDC today with a quick review. My inbox is open if you have any questions or need help navigating the site. Keep in mind that the following is just the opinion of one reader. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it! If not, feel free to disregard it completely. *Sun* *Peace2*


*Tulipr**Poseyr*General Impressions*Poseyr**Tulipr*
I found this to be an interesting commentary on the world as it is today. We are self-destructing with continuous pollution and waste. Interesting that the only solution to the problem lies within society itself, huh? *Wink* I didn't know what this was going to be about coming into it. I sort of thought it would be about an individual self-destructing and holding their feeling inside like an erupting volcano. Instead, I got to read a nice social piece. I dig it!

*Tulipb**Poseyb*What Worked*Poseyb**Tulipb*
Certain parts worked well to get your point across. The first time I read the "oh my stupid human" line, I thought it was super pretentious and hated it. By the second one though, I was beginning to have a different perspective on the issue as well as the tone of the poem. It's meant to be matter-of-fact, not condescending as it looks at first sight. I love the last stanza so much, especially the last two lines:

Oh lord what a satire,
They’ll erase their own trace.

The use of the first line to set up the impact of the second line was great. The rhyming pattern also worked really well in that stanza. It flowed smoothly.

*Tulipp**Poseyp*Suggestions*Poseyp**Tulipp*
There were certain words used that didn't work at all for me. I legit almost stopped reading at bamboozled entities because it was such weird phrasing and it didn't resonate with me at all. It seemed like something you'd stumble across in a thesaurus, not the way you'd really speak when trying to get the point across. Of course, I'm glad I continued and didn't stop there. *Wink*

The rhyming pattern threw me off at a couple points. The second-to-last stanza is a great example. Each line is a sentence on its own and it reads like four separate ideas just thrown together with the second and fourth line rhyming. There's definitely a disconnect there.

*Tulipv**Poseyv*Summary*Poseyv**Tulipv*
Overall, I thought this was an interesting poem and it held my attention throughout. The last stanza was my favorite of the bunch. There were a couple word choices and flow issues that I feel could use some improvement. Thanks again for sharing with us!


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