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Review #4105853
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by A Guest Visitor
Review by Tiggy
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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This was a very intriguing character study, and I was surprised how strongly I felt about a fictional character by the end of it! *Laugh* Almost from the beginning, you made sure that there was nothing likeable about Jonathon. Only the first few lines described him as an average guy, but then it became clear that he wasn't. Pretty much every thought he had made him more despicable until at the end, the readers could only wonder why his wife and children hadn't left him sooner.

Consequently, the ending seemed a little unsatisfactory. He didn't get his comeuppance, he never even understood what was happening to him. In his own mind, he was right and nothing could convince him that he was not. The ending was of course left open, although there was little doubt in the readers' minds that he would try to follow through with his plan. Sadly, this seemed like it could be a true story as real life doesn't always have a happy ending, In this tale, there isn't likely to be a winner, and even if Jonathon gets his revenge it isn't going to bring him the happiness he thinks he deserves.

There were some excellent descriptions here, both of the house and of the main character's thoughts. Considering that there was no dialogue and little action, you did a great job keeping the story fast paced and engaging. If you are interested in suggestions, especially in the first paragraph there were quite a few long sentences and as you introduced the character and his circumstances there, it might be a good idea to keep them shorter because as it is, it's a little confusing to read. But that was just a minor point as the story itself was very intriguing and a good read.


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