*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4105875
Review #4105875
Viewing a review of:
 Invalid Item  []

by A Guest Visitor
Review of Perfection  
Review by Tiggy
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


A very unique story and written from a point of view I've never come across before! At first I wondered if it was a good idea to put the contest prompt right at the beginning, but as it became clear quite quickly who or rather, what the narrator was, it didn't really matter. The descriptions were good and it surprised me how much detail you went into to show the look and texture and the way 'life' inside the plastic wrapping carried on after the slices were removed one by one.

The philosophical thoughts, both near the beginning and at the end, were nicely done, but there was also something quite engaging in the complaints about being replaced by something that was clearly, in the opinion of the speaker, not as good. I found myself feeling sad for a slice of bread by the time I had finished reading, which was quite an interesting experience! *Laugh*

The story was well written but if you are interested in editing this tale, I spotted a couple of instances where you should have used 'its,' the possessive form of it, meaning 'of it,' rather than "it's," the contracted form of 'it has' or 'it is.'

mutilated at it's prime moment and
mottling it's surface

I enjoyed reading about the 'life' of a slice of bread, strange as that may sound, and its musings about life in general and perfection in particular were very interesting.


A Simply Positive reviewing sig.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4105875