Greetings, samantha ! Welcome to our wonderful writing community! If you have any questions, please don't be shy!

I absolutely loved this! I write for children, so this definitely drew my attention. Repetition, using the senses, good visuals, rhyme, meter; I could see this as a picture book or in a children's magazine.

My reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works, and leave the rest.

I don't have too many suggestions. The only thing that stood out, was in the last stanza, last line. All your other lines had the internal rhyme with the last word of each line, but this one didn't. And you didn't stay with the A/B/C/B scheme as in the first stanza.

Also... (and this is so minor!) in the 2nd stanza, 2nd line... ...when then the heat touched her feet., consider ...when again the heat touched her feet. Because I know it's happening to her a second time. At least think about it.

This is great. I love it. You've captured the fear little ones sometimes experience for the first time. I have a niece who was very much like this, but with grass. If grass touched her bare feet, she would screech!

You might want to add Children under the Genres along with your Nature and Family. And if you are interested, I have a few forums for children's writers. Check out "Writing 4 Kids Contest "  and "Write 4 Kids Review Forum/CLOSED"  for starters.

Favorite line...

She screeched when the rumble caused her to tumble.

Good job!

Have a great day and...
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !

Cubby ")



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .