Hi, I'm Bikerider , a judge for "Invalid Item" I have read your entry, {item:} and I offer this review for your consideration. I hope you find my comments helpful.

Story: I found this story to be very interesting. It made me wonder just how often a person finds themselves in this situation. You wrote: What's the worst that could happen? Aren't those the most famous last words?

Character: I could see and feel the nervousness of your character. A blind date carries its own stress and anxiety, but to be doing this as an adult with grown children, I can't imagine how stressed I'd be. You did a good job with presenting the character's emotions.

Dialogue: The dialogue used in this story is appropriate to the character. It moves the story forward and gives the reader information in an interesting way.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling: There are a number of punctuation errors. Punctuation is normally an activity of an edit, not a review, but I have given an example of what I mean. My corrections are in red.
You wrote: I had made a special effort for this date, hairdressers, nails and make up. Nice new outfit, nothing too fancy [,] after all we were only planning a pub lunch. That's assuming we don't hate each other after our coffee. The girls had been full of praise before I left
home,[.] "[Y] "you look great mum [,] the new hair style takes years off you". Then came the role reversal[.] "[M]make sure you have got your phone charged in case you need us to come and get you"[.] [H]how many times had I used those same words when they were young?. [No period after the question mark.]



Comments:Your story reminded me of a friend of mine. In your story, Gill has heard of disaster stories for blind dates. I have heard some as well. I have a friend who is 60 and lost his wife a year ago. He has used the internet to try to find a companion. He has met a few women but he says most of them just want someone to tell their troubles to. Needless to say he has so far been unsuccessful, just like Gill.

I liked the way you handled/showed the character's emotions. Emotions are not always easy to show in a story, but you did a good job with it here.

Please, consider using a larger font. Using the default font makes a story difficult to read and will sometimes result in a reader passing up your story in favor of something that is easier on the eyes.

I liked the way you handled the ending, checking the phone to make sure it was charged; you didn't have to say why, it was obvious. Nicely done.







My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .