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Review #4112394
Viewing a review of:
 
Ghost of Lake Michigan  [ASR]
Even the water whispers.
by Robert 'BobCat'
Review by Tiggy
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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After that awesome first sentence, there was no way I could have stopped reading. That was a great hook, you absolutely nailed it! The narrator's voice is very intriguing. Clearly a child, as he states himself at one point, he doesn't understand everything that is happening but is still able to relate it to the readers in a way that shows his limitation but at the same time describing what he doesn't understand in a way that makes it clear to the readers. I thought that was very well done because it gave the character some depth without compromising his point of view.

The tale was fascinating and original, there was some understated horror that crept into the narrative and the readers were quite aware from the start that there wouldn't be a happy ending for the narrator even without you stating it outright. There was a shift in direction when the narrator encountered the voice of the little boy. Perhaps it was because his death had been particularly violent, or maybe it was just that they were closer in age, but once the voice had got the narrator's attention, it became clear quite quickly that this was the event that would lead to the narrator's demise. I liked how, at the end, you brought the lake's own voice back into it as well.

The writing was excellent and suited the story. I did stumble over a few minor little issues and if you are still interested in editing this tale, you might want to take a look.

It had been seeking its bounty
At the end of that sentence, you establish the lake as a "she" and unless I'm reading it wrong, you are referring to the lake in this part too, so should that be "She" and "her bounty"?

of the small towns center
I think there needs to be an apostrophe in "town's" to indicate possessive.

the waters for which he dreaded
I think "for" should be omitted.

loosing his vision
"losing."

Despite the subject, there was something very calm about this tale. The narrator accepted the voices as real and as simply there, without anything he could or would want to do about it. The ending is similarly peaceful, and although the last few sentences indicate that the narrator may have some regrets, there is still no struggle. To me, this made the story quite powerful and a very intriguing read.


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