Hello dblameck (David) ,

I just read your short story "Invalid Item" , which I found when I hit the random review link.

Disclaimer: Please remember that the following suggestions are based off of my own opinion and personal interpretation of your work. Feel free to take and/or toss out any of my suggestions.



A potentially good story about a hand coming after a woman.



I was hooked when the hand came off the arm and the security guard dismissed it.





No specific scene/setting described or needed



There are two parts that don't make much sense. One is the subway which you say is crowded but when she feels a hand grab her theres no one there

Then at the end you say she falls and breaks her neck but theres a handprint found on her neck suggesting she was strangled. This would've been a good scene to describe. The hand vs the woman. Then when the cops found her they may have found a hand print but maybe they initially think shes fallen and broke her neck. That would make more sense and make for a stronger climax.




Thanks for sharing your work!

I enjoyed reading your work and hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " !
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **